This is not an emergency

My head is on my pillow,

My duvet is over my head,

I take a deep breath, hold it for 5 seconds and exhale.

The pillow is soft, the duvet is made of adire.

The colour is purple, I should buy more cotton bedsheets.

I take a deep breath, hold it for 5 seconds and exhale.

This is not an emergency.

Tabitha Brown is on Instagram,

Her southern accent, breaks through my phone to hug me

In ways that won’t kill me.

Today, she’s teaching me how to make a breakfast burrito.

I won’t ever make it. but I know i need,

potatoes, garlic and onion powder, mushrooms, peppers

spinach, guacamole, mango,

She says to pray before eating,

This is not an emergency.

The room is quiet,

My journal is sat on my right hand like a bible,

Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

Is placed on my journal.

The colour is a hunting blue and a mix of red and orange,

The mix looks like yam porridge.

I haven’t eaten that in a while.

I haven’t read the book in a while,

I can only take it 5 pages at a time.

Each time, I am charmed by his use of language.

I should read it today.

This is not an emergency.

My therapist tells me to differentiate between what is and what could be,

To intently look at my present in the face and study every bit of it to distract me.

Breathe for 5 seconds, hold it and exhale.

Maybe my brain will believe that this is not an emergency,

Maybe my heart would not scream so loud in my ears.

Maybe my tongue will speak about something other than my fears.

The page is white, the letters are black,

I am sitting, writing with my breasts exposed though the weather is cold.

My favourite font is Montserrat.

And this is not an emergency.